The Modernas were an upscale family that came into money without first demonstrating any productivity. Old-man Moderna was the CEO of his own company, even though it didn’t produce anything that went to market.
An emergency meeting was called and people had to come into the boardroom on New Year’s Day of 2020 …
Old-man Moderna: Thank you all for coming in on this holiday to discuss the exciting news. Johnson, why don’t you tell them what just broke out in China?
Johnson: Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to inform you that a scary virus just broke out in China, and that we are poised to make a profit this year.
Mike Leiberman: Does that mean I’ll get a bonus this year, for the first time ever?
Old-man Moderna: Shut up, Leiberman. Let Johnson finish the story.
Johnson: Anyway, I was saying that a scary virus broke out yesterday in China, on the last day of 2019.
Leiberman: Can you prove it?
Johnson [stares coldly at Leiberman]: Yes. Take a look at this news story about it:
Leiberman: That news story is dated on 10 Jan 2020, but today is only 1 Jan 2020. What is going on here?
[Johnson looks over to Old-man Moderna, who nods]
Johnson: Well, we have it on the highest authority that this news is “going to come out” 9 days from now, okay? I’m mean, jeez, the local news in China is buzzing about this first-ever cluster of a novel coronavirus.
Leiberman: But how can you say we’ll be making tons of money this year? This is something that you have to get out ahead of if you are going to be the one reaping in all of the windfall profits.
[Leiberman looks over to Old-man Moderna, who hunches, smirks, and then nods]
Johnson: Well, as things happen, it turns out that we have already sent a finished batch of novel-virus-specific product over to Ralphie at U of NC, Snapple Hill.
Lieberman: When did you send it? Did you send it yesterday, when news first broke about a novel coronavirus? Because that’s not enough lead time to get out ahead of this thing and be the one reaping the most windfall profits.
Johnson [looks to Old-man Moderna for approval]: Relax, Leiberman. We sent the novel-virus-specific product 20 days ago, before it was even known by anyone that there’d be an outbreak of something new in China.
Leiberman: Can you show me the proof?
Old-man Moderna: Show him.
Johnson: Here’s the invoice on the material transfer of the novel-virus-specific product, Lieberman. That’s dated 19 days before the outbreak. Is that enough lead time for you to pipe down now?:
[Leiberman sinks back in his chair and dreams of the vacation he’ll be able to take once he gets this year’s bonus]
👀